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Help Me To Believe In Beginings

Have you ever been unable to pray what you need to pray? I know I have. Chaotic times often perplex us and leave us wordless or prayer-less, right when we need them most!

I have a number of books of prayers, meditations, and poems to ruminate through in those and other life moments. Today I was praying through a great collection of prayers written by Ted Loder. Ted is a spiritual poet, wordsmith, thinker, and writer that I read often and appreciate greatly. He has an uncanny knack at painting verbal poetry that hits the spot. One of my favorite collection of prayers written by Ted is called: Guerillas of Grace.

Today, In Guerilla’s of Grace, I prayed through one titled: Help Me To Believe In Beginnings

Take a moment and breathe through this prayer, it might be just what your soul needs…

 

 

 

 

God of history and of my heart,
so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I’ve known death and birth;
I’ve been brave and scared;
I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;
I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;
I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;
I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;
I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;
I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;
I’ve laughed and I’ve cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history –
and now another day begins.

O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I’ve failed before.

Help me to make beginnings:
to begin going out of my weary mind
into fresh dreams,
daring to make my own bold tracks
in the land of now;
to begin forgiving
that I may experience mercy;
to begin questioning the unquestionable
that I may know truth
to begin disciplining
that I may create beauty;
to begin sacrificing
that I may make peace;
to begin loving
that I may realize joy.

Help me to be a beginning to others,
to be a singer to the songless,
a storyteller to the aimless,
a befriender of the friendless;
to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,
of assurance for the doubting,
of reconciliation for the divided;
to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,
of comfort for the sorrowing,
of friendship for the forgotten;
to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,
of sweetness for the soured,
of gentleness for the angry,
of wholeness for the broken,
of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.

Help me to believe in beginnings,
to make a beginning,
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old,
but grow new
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.

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Swallow Me Up


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Abba,
I long to abide in you
To dwell with you
To rest in you
But for some reason I can’t;
My mind wanders
My spirit is restless
My choices are divergent
My schedule unrelenting
Abba,
Sorrow and sadness cling to me
My soul is tired
I wonder if I’ve lost the story
But you remind me;
To be lost is to be found
To be known is to be loved
To wrestle with doubt is to find faith
To shed tears is to realize intimacy
Abba,
Pierce through my darkness so that I may see you
Forgive me
Re-align me
But most of all, don’t leave me;
You are all that is good
You are all that is true
You are all that I need
You are beauty painted with ash

Swallow me up in the ocean that is You.

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Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess

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There are prayers that, when you hear them, lift the corners of your eyes and the corners of your mouth into a knowing smile. The following is one such prayer. It seems to let a little of your inside voice out, if you know what I mean. May you be freed from prayers that are too sanitized.

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“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples’ affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains — they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint — it is so hard to live with some of them — but a harsh old person is one of the devil’s masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen”

~Margot Benary-Isbert