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God In The Doorway


God In The Doorway

One cold Christmas Eve I was up unnaturally late because we had all gone out to dinner-my parents, my baby sister, and I. We had come home to a warm living room, and Christmas Eve. Our stockings drooped from the mantle; beside them, a special table bore a bottle of ginger ale and a plate of cookies.

I had taken off my fancy winter coat and was standing on the heat register to bake my shoe soles and warm my bare legs. There was a commotion at the front door; it opened, and cold winter blew around my dress.

Everyone was calling me. “Look who’s here! Look who’s here!” I looked. It was Santa Claus. Whom I never-ever-wanted to meet. Santa Claus was looming in the doorway and looking around for me. My mother’s voice was thrilled: “Look who’s here!” I ran upstairs.

Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus, thinking he was God. I was still thoughtless and brute, reactive. I knew right from wrong, but had barely tested the possibility of shaping my own behavior, and then only from fear, and not yet from love. Santa Claus was an old man whom you never saw, but who nevertheless saw you; he knew when you’d been bad or good. He knew when you’d been bad or good! And I had been bad.

My mother called and called, enthusiastic, pleading; I wouldn’t come down. My father encouraged me; my sister howled. I wouldn’t come down, but I could bend over the stairwell and see: Santa Claus stood in the doorway with night over his shoulder, letting in all the cold air of the sky. Santa Claus stood in the doorway monstrous and bright, powerless, ringing a loud bell and repeating Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. I never came down. I don’t know who ate the cookies.

For so many years now I have known that this Santa Claus was actually a rigged-up Miss White, who lived across the street, that I confuse the dramatis personae in my mind, making Santa Claus, God, and Miss White an awesome, vulnerable trinity. This is really a story about Miss White.

Miss White was old; she lived alone in the big house across the street. She liked having me around; she plied me with cookies, taught me things about the world, and tried to interest me in finger painting, in which she herself took great pleasure. She would set up easels in her kitchen, tack enormous slick soaking papers to their frames, and paint undulating undersea scenes: horizontal smears of color sparked by occasional vertical streaks which were understood to be fixed kelp. I liked her. She meant no harm on earth, and yet half a year after her failed visit as Santa Claus, I ran from her again.

That day, a day of the following summer, Miss White and I knelt in her yard while she showed me a magnifying glass. It was a large, strong hand lens. She lifted my hand and, holding it very still, focused a dab of sunshine on my palm. The glowing crescent wobbled, spread, and finally contracted to a point. It burned; I was burned; I ripped my hand away and ran home crying. Miss White called after me, sorry, explaining, but I didn’t look back.

Even now I wonder: if I meet God, will he take and hold my bare hand in his, and focus his eye on my palm, and kindle that spot and let me burn?

But no. It is I who misunderstood everything and let everybody down. Miss White, God, I am sorry I ran from you. I am still running, running from that knowledge, that eye, that love from which there is no refuge. For you meant only love, and love, and I felt only fear, and pain. So once in Israel love came to us incarnate, stood in the doorway between two worlds, and we were all afraid.

*Taken from…”Teaching a Stone to Talk” by Annie Dillard

What’s Not In Heaven

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In Revelation 21-22 the apostle John is trying to describe the day that heaven and earth combine…when God once again becomes a permanent resident with humanity; A renewal of the Edenic reality, but even better. How do you describe that which you have never seen or known? When language exhausts her best expressions and you still haven’t even begun to reveal your experience, a new tactic is needed. This is what John does as he tries to describe the new heavenly reality. Instead of telling us what is there, he focuses more on what is not there. “No more tears, no more death, no more pain, etc.”  Here is my A-Z list of what won’t be in heaven to help us grasp the beauty of what will be there. Obviously my list is finite, incomplete, borrowed and missing items. That is where you come in. What else won’t be there that I have missed.  Continue this story in the comments…

What Won’t Be In Heaven

In Heaven there will be no more:

Acne, aches, addiction, anxiety, anxiety meds, amber alerts, amputations

Bad breath, body odor, broken hearts, broken homes, break ups, bills, bill collectors, bi-polar, bullying, battles

Cancer, coughs, catastrophes, conflict, crash diets, CPS, concussions, court rooms, corruption, crutches, casts, child abuse, chemo therapy, crosses along the side of the road, cutting,

Deception, depression, divorce, drama, doctors, disease, double chins, disco

Evil, erosion, embarrassing moments, enemies, elections, evictions, earth quakes

Fighting, fruitcake, foreclosures, flu-shots, fear, funeral homes, funerals,

Gossip, guilt, greed, graves,

Hospitals, hurricanes, hate, homelessness, hormones, human trafficking

Injustice, infertility, infidelity, insecurity, infomercials, inoperable tumors,

Junk mail, jealousy,

Kooks, k(c)anker sores, kombucha (that stuff is nasty), killjoys,

Legalism, life-support, lawyers, loneliness, labor camps, lines for the lady’s room, love handles,

Motionless ultra sounds, metal detectors, MRI’s, Multiple Sclerosis, Middle of the night phone calls, miscarriages, misunderstandings,

Neurosis, night sweats, nursing homes, negativity, needles,

Operations, orphanages, oppression , Obama Care

Pretending, plastic surgery, politicians, pacemakers, persecution, pain, prejudice, poverty, pink slips, potlucks

Quitting, queasiness, qualifying,

Racism, rejection, road rage, rape, revenge, radiation

Special weigh-loss plans, spanks, saddle bags, sox without a match , security systems, sleepless nights, slums, suicides, suicide bombers, school shootings, sadness, spandex, slander,

Treatment centers, tear stained divorce papers, tissue boxes, tornado, tsunamis, typhoons, trafficking, tiny caskets, taxes

Unibombers, unwanted, unloved,

Victims, violence, vindictiveness, vaccinations, vice

Waiting rooms, wheel chairs, waxing, wounds,

X-rays, Yelling, Zoos, Zero (because everything will have value)

Jesus says, “Look!, I am making everything new!”

has our wealth made us blind?

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As I have been working through my talk on the church in Laodicea (Revelation 3:14-22) this week, the following quote has been working its way through every corner of my soul…what do you think?

“If the Book of Revelation were written today, and there was a letter to the church in America, I think it would decry the fact that our materialism and wealth have deafened our ears and blinded our eyes to the cause of the poor.”

~Rich Stearns (President, World Vision)