Help Me To Believe In Beginnings

“…and now another day begins.”

As we take our first steps out of the darkness that eclipsed with the Winter Solstice, we experience how nature continues to direct our rhythms and remind us of new life sprouting from the darkness.

I don’t know about you, but I have received my word for 2019 This word, or thought, will become my guide and constant reminder this year. It will help me stay on track, say yes to the right things, and no to the wrong things.

Mostly, it reminds me that no matter what may happen, I am co-creating my life with God which deserves my passionate attention.

My prayer to launch the year is from Ted Loder. It’s real, beautiful, painful and an invitation to journey outside the God-box so many live in. I feel like it describes where I have been and where I long to go. May it speak to your soul as it does mine.

Help Me To Believe In Beginnings

God of history and my heart,
so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I’ve known death and birth;
I’ve been brave and scared;
I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;
I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;
I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;
I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;
I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;
I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;
I’ve laughed, I’ve cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history–
and now another day begins.

O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I’ve failed before.

Help me to make beginnings:
to begin going out of my weary mind into fresh dreams,
daring to make my own bold tracks in the land of now;
to begin forgiving
that I may experience mercy;
to begin questioning the unquestionable
that I may know truth;
to begin disciplining
that I may create beauty;
to begin sacrificing
that I may accomplish justice;
to begin risking
that I may make peace;
to begin loving
that I may realize joy.

Help me to be a beginning for others,
to be a singer to the songless,
a storyteller to the aimless,
a befriender of the friendless;
to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,
of assurance for the doubting,
of reconciliation for the divided;
to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,
of comfort for the sorrowing,
of friendship for the forgotten;
to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,
of sweetness for the soured,
of gentleness for the angry,
of wholeness for the broken,
of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.

Help me to believe in beginnings,
to make a beginning,
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old,
but grow new
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.

~Ted Loder, Guerrillas of Grace

Help Me To Believe In Beginings

Have you ever been unable to pray what you need to pray? I know I have. Chaotic times often perplex us and leave us wordless or prayer-less, right when we need them most!

I have a number of books of prayers, meditations, and poems to ruminate through in those and other life moments. Today I was praying through a great collection of prayers written by Ted Loder. Ted is a spiritual poet, wordsmith, thinker, and writer that I read often and appreciate greatly. He has an uncanny knack at painting verbal poetry that hits the spot. One of my favorite collection of prayers written by Ted is called: Guerillas of Grace.

Today, In Guerilla’s of Grace, I prayed through one titled: Help Me To Believe In Beginnings

Take a moment and breathe through this prayer, it might be just what your soul needs…

 

 

 

 

God of history and of my heart,
so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I’ve known death and birth;
I’ve been brave and scared;
I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;
I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;
I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;
I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;
I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;
I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;
I’ve laughed and I’ve cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history –
and now another day begins.

O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I’ve failed before.

Help me to make beginnings:
to begin going out of my weary mind
into fresh dreams,
daring to make my own bold tracks
in the land of now;
to begin forgiving
that I may experience mercy;
to begin questioning the unquestionable
that I may know truth
to begin disciplining
that I may create beauty;
to begin sacrificing
that I may make peace;
to begin loving
that I may realize joy.

Help me to be a beginning to others,
to be a singer to the songless,
a storyteller to the aimless,
a befriender of the friendless;
to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,
of assurance for the doubting,
of reconciliation for the divided;
to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,
of comfort for the sorrowing,
of friendship for the forgotten;
to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,
of sweetness for the soured,
of gentleness for the angry,
of wholeness for the broken,
of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.

Help me to believe in beginnings,
to make a beginning,
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old,
but grow new
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.

Swallow Me Up


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Abba,
I long to abide in you
To dwell with you
To rest in you
But for some reason I can’t;
My mind wanders
My spirit is restless
My choices are divergent
My schedule unrelenting
Abba,
Sorrow and sadness cling to me
My soul is tired
I wonder if I’ve lost the story
But you remind me;
To be lost is to be found
To be known is to be loved
To wrestle with doubt is to find faith
To shed tears is to realize intimacy
Abba,
Pierce through my darkness so that I may see you
Forgive me
Re-align me
But most of all, don’t leave me;
You are all that is good
You are all that is true
You are all that I need
You are beauty painted with ash

Swallow me up in the ocean that is You.

God of Silence and Sound

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God of silence and sound,

Help me dance around the spaces and textures of your voice.

In this moment, Holy One, speak new life into me

the way you spoke in beginning;

Brushstrokes of breath…

Colors of conversation…

Landscapes of language…

Allow the words that wound create in me a silent melody

which sings the song of genesis

of pain and promise

of purpose and presence

God of silence and sound,

Teach me to sing in the darkness of my day.

On this night, Holy One, sing over my tired soul

the way you refreshed Elijah;

as he slept beneath the tree…

as his anxiety obscured his reality…

yet still, you nourished his soul…

May the notes caress away the fear in my heart

which sings a song of captivity

of love lost and misplaced

of loneliness and isolation

God of silence and sound,

I know I am a singer of confused songs.

In this chaotic space, Holy One, teach me the tune of paradox

of beauty and ash, joy and sorrow, frivolity and sincerity.

Teach me to listen…

Help me to see…

Free my voice to sing without sound

The beautiful songs of Your love.